Give them wings

I didn't have time to blog yesterday. I know that I have to make time for me, which I do. I am making so many changes in my life and one of the biggest is making time for me. I have started working out... every day, sometimes twice a day. That is huge for me because I honestly haven't exercised religiously for almost 20 years. Usually when I get that itch, its a passing phase. Usually I will start and it will last a week or so. But I am so motivated now. I am in month two and I feel great. I will admit, I started this new fitness thing because I was vain. Yes, I wanted to look better. I am almost 40 and I wanted to be proud of how I looked when that day comes. But... the idea of looking good has taken a back seat. I am seeing changes physically, but it is emotionally and mentally that I am seeing the most change. I feel better. I look forward to working out every day. I am in a better mood and I am more positive about almost every thing. I have set goals, and one day at a time, I am meeting those goals. I am happier and I am on my way to a better me. 

But I digress. My workouts are not really what I wanted to write about. What has really been weighing heavily on my mind actually was brought to light last night... while I was enjoying my me time. During my workout, I am able to do a lot of thinking. Weird I know, but anyone who knows me knows that single tasking is not my strong suit. I am a multitasker. So what was I thinking about? My kids. I am struggling. I know my kids. I see who they are, what they are, and what they are capable of. I push my kids. I push them so they too can see.. reach.. and surpass their potential. I, like any other mother, want the best for them. But do I push too hard? Am I expecting too much from them? I am a perfectionist. Am I pushing that on them? I don't want or need them to be perfect. I just want them to be the best that they can be, the best that I know they can be. Honestly, I don't know if I am pushing them too hard, or if they are just making bad choices. Is it a phase? or do I really have expectations that are too high? I see the pride when the accomplish something, whether big or small. I see the disappointment when they fall short. But are they disappointed for themselves, or is it for me? I see them struggle with some of the things that I push them on. I sometimes see the pain in their eyes or hear it in their voices. But again... did I cause that pain, or are they just mad at themselves. 

As a parent, there is nothing worse that seeing a tear in your child's eye. We just want to wrap our arms around our kids, kiss away their tears and make it all better. But we can't always do that can we? We have to let them stand on their own two feet. We have to let them walk their path. We have to let them make their own mistakes and grow from them. 

Do we push them to take those steps or do we step aside and let them take them alone?

Just a mini Rant

I have been truly blessed in my life and I learn that more and more every day. But it isn't easy and by no means have all these blessings been handed to me. I have had to suffer and I have had to work hard for what I have and who I am. There have been so many times that I have thought about throwing in the towel, but in the end, that is just never an option. Everyone has struggles. Everyone faces challenges. How we react to these things is what makes us who we are. I am a very strong, independent woman. I pride myself on that. It makes me so mad when people take their jealousy of that and try to hurt me or my family with it. Unfortunately, this is happening more and more lately. I understand that not all people are strong. I understand that not all people can stand on their own two feet with their heads held high. What I do not understand the need to bring people down with you!!

Life Lessons

Its funny, because yesterday when I created this new blog, I was worried that I wouldn't have anything to blog about. There are tons of things I could, and probably will express, so maybe it wasn't of fear of what, but more a fear of making sense of it all. Life lessons is the title of this blog and ironically, life has been full of lessons during this past year. Life lessons will probably be a topic more than once, more than twice, well quite honestly, it will be a subject I frequently visit. Life lessons are hard to learn, no matter who you are or where you are in your life. They are hard whether you are the teacher or the student. Being the student is the end of the spectrum that I am most familiar with and because of that, I continue to grow every day into a stronger, wiser, better person. There are many times when I have no choice but to be the teacher. After all, isn't that my job as a mother? Sometimes I enjoy teaching. I found a quote today that I fell in love with. " I do not want my children to walk in my footsteps. I want them to create their own path beside me" I think that is the real meaning of being a mom. Well, one of them anyway. I have lived my life. I love who I am, but I know where I came from. I don't want my children to live MY life. I want them to live the life they choose. I want to be the one to point them in the right direction. I want to be the one to lay the foundation so they can enjoy a life that they will live. I want them to continue to grow each day, as I do. I want them to thrive and flourish. I want them to have love and happiness. We all want that for our kids, right? So yes. I am the teacher and I love that role. Let's be real though. All the lessons that we teach our kids will not always make us so fond of that role. Today, I had to be the "bad guy" and my heart was broken. One of my children has decided to make some very poor decisions lately. Decisions that came be reversed and outcomes that can change, but poor decisions nonetheless. I did what a good parent would do, and I addressed the situation at home and I disciplined him accordingly. Some believe I am too hard on my kids, but others call it tough love. It doesn't matter to me what anyone calls it, because I am the one who knows what is best for them. Again, my job as a mom. That wasn't what broke my heart. Getting punished is one thing, but owning your bad decision and facing the consequences is something completely different. That is what broke my heart. He accepted his punishment. He is grounded. Not the end of the world. But he left today to go to school in tears. Tears of embarrassment and tears of ownership. He knew he has consequences that he had to face. I was so proud of him in that moment. So proud that in that moment, I wanted to wipe away his tears and tell him it would all be ok. But I couldn't I knew that. He knew that. He owned his mistake. It can be fixed, but he owned it. He owned it to me, to his father, to his teachers AND his peers. He will make better decision, of that I am confident. He will overcome, he will turn this around. Its funny, as I sat down down to start writing, I knew what "life lesson" I had taught him today. Every action has a consequence. Good or bad. But... the more I write, the more I realize that I have taught him more than one. Or maybe it is him that is teaching me another lesson. You can always turn a negative into a positive. My kids amaze me every day. I was angry yesterday, and I was disappointed. Today, I am proud. It reaffirms to me that I AM laying that foundation for them. They will walk their own paths, right beside me. We will learn from each other, always, so we can walk together always.

Here we go again

So here I sit, alone in the quiet, before the rest of my day begins. I have realized that it has been an entire year since I have blogged. And what a year it has been. I have so many feelings and experiences.. so many rants and raves from this past year that it may be hard to get started again, without sounding like a rambling idiot.. So much happens on a daily basis, and most times, these things seem so trivial. But in retrospect, this last year has been filled with so many things, trivial or not. I have learned so much about myself, so  much about other people. I feel like every day is just a new learning experience. I have made a lot of changes in my life as well.. I'm pretty sure that is what this blog will consist of. Some days, I will share good times, some days bad. Some days I may be laughing as I write, and some days I may be crying. Some days I may post a picture or five, some days maybe only a sentence. I have learned that there are no guarantees in life. But this life is my life and this is my journey.